There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
