I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
