walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
