She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
