I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
