when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
