if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
