We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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