She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
