I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
