.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
