I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
