Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
