She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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