I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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