I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
