U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
