You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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