Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
