it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
