The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
