I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
