Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
