You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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