you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize
