Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
