There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
