Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
