hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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