his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
