Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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