a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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