when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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