At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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