What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
