I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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