david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
