So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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