So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
