She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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