I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
