I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We left the knife in your bed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
