Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
