Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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