So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
