There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
