brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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