I think i sorta joined a cult last night
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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