I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
