dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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