you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
