just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
