you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
