The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
